My Connections to Play

“Play is the only way the highest intelligence of humankind can unfold.” -Joseph Chilton Pearce

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” -George Bernard Shaw

I truly love these quotes and the vital words they share!  Play is vital to development, as that is a child’s world.  Children express themselves and learn many vital tools for the future playing.

The above 3 pictures are items I found vital and engaging when I was younger.  I had 2 sisters growing up, so playing with my siblings was a constant.  I enjoyed the outdoors and playing with jump ropes, hulu-hoops, bike, etc.  I was also very big into sports, I loved playing softball.  I was on many teams, from recreational ledge, traveling ball, school ball, and fall ball.  When I was younger my parents would limit our television time and make us go outside and play.  We had to us our imagination and creative nature.  My parents and immediate family support the physical activities of sports.  Not only was this physical movement for the body, but I was also learning many great tools for the future.  My father was actually my coach for many years.  How to work together as a team, accept different personalities, and more.  I also gained many friends and social experience during these years, that has followed me to this day.  By supporting my play and social involvement, they enriched my younger years with healthy growth and experience. 

Today indeed times are different from when I grew up.  My parents encouraged me to engage in recreational activities that consist of the outdoors.  Do not get me wrong I have my children engaged in those similar activities as well.  Electronics today are an epidemic and it seems every child has access to one or the other.  I have 3 boys, and my oldest, whom is 11 is consumed with video games if allowed.  He even conversates about the games and the new updates.  When I volunteer with the school, children have phones, talking and discussing the same video lingo as my son.  Nevertheless without parents enforcing the restrictions to some play, children can reap concerns with development.  Awareness and Education to the community and parents are vital.  My kids pediatric doctor incorporates with his annual check-up a questionnaire on electronics.  He educates and makes the children aware, a great asset we all should practice. 

Play is a vital factor for many reasons.  One of the reasons I have always stated, (prior to my knowledge gained thus far) they are only small once and adulthood is not easy, let them enjoy the best years of their life to say.  I enjoyed my childhood playing ball with my friends and all the other activities a child. Play allowed me the opportunity to learn how to establish relationships and communicate with peers that I have taken into adulthood.  I still have friendships from 5 years old, over several decades old.  I am blessed for those relationships and the skills I developed.  I have also learned tolerance and acceptance with working together.  From my experience from the softball team, I have been able to gain great leadership skills and open-mindedness with others opinions.              

Relationship Reflection

Relationships and partnerships is what each individual was born to strive for, it is part of our development and life.  Autonomy is contribution to having developed healthy relationship throughout life.  Over coming the diversity and bias nature of some relationships and people.  God created man to have an intimate relationship with him and one another.  We are biologically hard-wired to socialize and develop healthy relationships.  Love and support are the nature of healthy relationships and why we yearn for those traits from others.  No one person can survive without interaction from other people, therefore we must learn to develop healthy bonds and skills.  Parents and teachers should practice accurate and healthy communication, with nurturing support.  Relationships are very important to me for many reasons, as they are the support and nurture that has helped me to where I am today.  Those relationships have varied in degrees from, teachers, to peers, immediate family, distant family, church family, sports family, and more.  To me the most vital, would be those that are indeed the most intimate or closes to you.  For example my mother, father, grandparents, sisters, best friends, and cousins.  Currently now as I have grown as an adult, my closes and most vital relationships are still my father and sisters.  Now I focus more on the relationship between my 3 boys and fiancé.  They are my rock to say.  They help me in many ways as I have traveled down the road of adult learning and career changing.  They support me in a whole way, such as helping around the house, cooking, and verbal support on tough assignments.  I feel truly blessed with an amazing family.

    

Above are my beautiful baby boys.  I truly never knew true love until I gave birth to these three blessings.  Do not get me wrong my oldest has indeed taught me many lessons in parenting.  And I do not claim that this relationship is easy, but I do proclaim that it is a love you will never understand (unless you’re a mother).  The bond and attachment I felt from the moment I found out I was pregnant was unreal, from fear, joy, excitement, worry, and more.  I was now responsible for more than myself, a child.  As I have learned thus far, as we are approaching preteen, communication and constancy is key.  Allowing each other to express their thoughts and concerns can truly make a difference.    

Where shall I begin in this relationship?  I met this man about a year after a very bad divorce.  My children had suffered as well from the bad marriage and divorce unfortunately.  This individual stepped in an helped me and my boys overcome the difficult and challenging whirlwind when had encountered.  Here we are 2 years later and we are planning a wedding and have a wonderful addition to the family.  Key ingredients in any relationship or partnership is communication, communication, and communication.  The ability to express your feelings and thoughts in an open environment with each other can mean surviving in a relationship or failing.  In most relationships there is also compromise and negotiation.  As some say you have to give sometimes and then you have to take sometimes, it is never always one way.  Just as a sports player work together as a team, a relationship works together to strive and grow in love and support.   

From my experience thus far in life, as a mid-aged woman whom lost their mother at the age of 6, whom then lost the next closest thing to a mother, my granny at age 30, then going through a bad marriage and divorce, then encountering a few years of single motherhood, to now.  Life has had its journey and its fair share our heartaches that have led me to strengthen many relationships.  In the meaning of relationship, I have to also consider it to be just as a partnership, as it is vital for communication.  Clear, calm, accurate, and punctual conversations must exist to have a healthy partnership.  It has very similar give and take situations, but in this means the responsibilities are a bit more defined.  Just as the relationship between a parent and child, authority or guidelines is usually already established through experience verses a partnership may have these roles dictated through lettering.  Relationships just as partnerships contain more than one party, an understanding of each other and compromise.  As obstacles arise in a person’s life or in a partnership/relationship, the support and compassion of others can help an event become a simple task of life verses becoming a tragic event.  Many factors are vital to have and create a partnership/relationship for healthy development in life.  These relationship skills and partnerships skills stem from the foundation of a child’s attachment to the mother/parent. 

 I feel that the skills and experience of being a parent has been the greatest tool to help with understanding the relationship amongst teachers and parents, children and their families, and more.  Children have and live in their own world and we must adjust to their world.  I think that gives us each insight into having a better understanding to contribute to healthy development, that contributes to healthy adults.  We establish the foundation for children in early years.  Let’s contribute to the positive ways we affect a child’s life.

Inspiration

Once I became a mother the passion to serve children multiplied.  My greatest blessings are my precious 3 boys.  They have indeed taught me in my life.  

The world of a child is a journey of discovery.  Every adventure and experience is an unknown, opening a new wonder.

Making a positive impact or imprint on a child's life is vital for their development and a healthy adulthood.  Experience leaves an impression on a child's brain develop.

Testing Children

            When the term or thought of testing a child’s intelligence or development is expressed, I get a bit reserved.  I refer to the testing I completed as a child and the testing my children are now encountering at school have changed a bit.  The main goal is still the same, to evaluate the intelligence of a child.  Where the child stood in the standards of mathematics and writing/English/language by requiring each child to participate in a yearly test.  Again, this test was to measure the academic comprehension as a student, young child.  Honestly, I have always been curious as to whom truly makes those standards?  Do these tests consider the child as an individual, a unique child?  I also think of the forms the pediatrician hands out at well-child visits, asking questions to where you felt your child was in development for the age of their visit.  I truly grasp the need to monitor the development and progress of children as they grow throughout their years.  Understanding that the individuals involved in evaluating these test and questionnaires are educated and experienced, we still must consider every aspect of the child in evaluating and testing.  As we find a discrepancy between the state testing and national testing in regard to the proficiency of a child’s academic progress.  “For example in the state of New York, states found 62 percent proficient in math, but the NAEP found only 32 percent; 51 were found proficient in reading on the state tests but only 35 percent according to NAEP” (Berger, 2015, p. 399).  Thereforth to me this information simple states that many aspects of children are being missed.  A child’s development in life roots from the diversity of who the child is.  For example we must consider the child’s culture, biology, attachment and nurture, family unit, socioeconomic status, and more.  These factors contribute to how a child learns and experiences life.  If a child comes from parents that are highly educated and read daily, promoting their child the same academic enrichment, but yet is cold, harsh, limited affection if any, limiting child to play and social interaction.  Does this child develop a healthy life?  The likely chance that this child will suffer emotional and social is high.  How do we measure one’s emotions and social development?  Approaching the reality that a child’s development is diverse and should be approached in considering every aspect of the child, a holistic approach.  Considering the healthiest life is a life that has developed healthy in every aspects of its life, socially, academically, physically, mentally, and more.  Back to the example as mentioned above with parents that were cold and reserved the child of social interaction.  Could we consider this child developmentally healthy, even after passing an academic assessment?  Will he develop proper social skills and contribute back as an adult?    

            With all the thoughts above and the realization that development is a diverse aspect, academic testing should not be limited to one style or type of test.  Many considerations should take into play, for example the concept of multiple intelligences.  As we are aware every child has different intellectual abilities.  A child also has different learning skills.  These are a set of hypotheses the child explorers with or approaches a task, such as: visual learning, auditory learning, reflective learning, impulsive learning, musically and more.  Thereforth much greater consideration should be made in evaluating a child’s development.  A holistic approach of the whole child should be considered.  Just as a teacher should adapt to the individual needs of the child in teaching.  Providing different content and engaging the senses the child has, can contribute to the child demonstrating their knowledge and skills. (2013, March 8, Edutopia).

            In other nations the measurement of academics is not necessary consider just math and English.  Based on the geographic area will depend on the values of life’s traits or skills.  The education practice many be different from the US.  Not to mention the courses an individual may take, as well as required amounts of school work.  In some parts of the world education is a luxury, not a requirement.  For those that have the privilege to engage in school, the activities and course will vary per location.  “For example, the average child in a primary school in Spain spends twice as much time studying science as does the average child in Italy” (Berger, 2015, p.393).  the fact is that we as a community should come together to observe the development and growth of our children, but should we classify a percentage with a test, no.  Unless a child’s entire development from a holistic aspect is not used in evaluating the child, then there should not be an evaluation performed. 

Reference:

Berger, K. (2015). The developing person through childhood (7^th ed.). New York, NY: Worth     Publishers.

March 8, 2013. Multiple intelligences: What does the research say? Edutopia.

Retrieved from:  https://www.edutopia.org/multiple-intelligences-research                

Stressors: loss of a parent

Stressors are indeed a contributor to the development of a human being.  Early exposure to stressors can create either problems for the child or help the child development.  As healthy stress is needed for proper development of the brain.  Engaging the fight or flight response of their brain, creating proper use of this natural response.  With that being said, we are hard-wired to cope with certain stressors and adversities.  We are not designed to cope with an overload of stress, which can and will lead to health concerns, as well as development.  I have decided to refer to the reality of a crisis, which has a broad mean.  The crisis I will refer to will be the loss of a mother or father as a child is younger in age, still dependent on their parent.  The loss of a parent for a child can be devastating, creating many unanswered questions.  I was only 4 months away from being 7 years old when my mother died from battling cancer.  She put up a very long fight for years.  She was indeed a tough role model for anyone to follow.  She never lost her faith and always remained positive for her 3 little girls.  Each of us, my 2 sisters and self, responded differently to this stressor or crisis to say.  Based on the child’s age, environment, family unit, and more will determine how the child copes.  As for me I can remember seeing my mother weak and trying to take care of her 3 girls.  I remember the day we view her body in the casket and waiting her to just wake up.  I recall the many times as a girl, young lady, and as an adult now the times I could have truly used her support or advice.  This tragic event left an embedded imprint ono the development of my brain.  Thereforth creating a degree of mental health problems.  With proper coping and support, a child can overcome many diversities and stressors, but when one of these areas are weak or broken it makes a life-long impact on their life.  Of course in every situation of development we must remember the reality each child is an individual, unique in their own way.  “Personality traits, such as neuroticism, introversion, and prior mental disorders, also increase the risk for developing PTSD (Van der Kolk, McFarlane, & Weisaeth, 2007, p.86).  A child’s attachment throughout life is established with their mother, father, siblings, and immediate family members.  Change or lose of one of these can be detrimental to some children.  We must have a support for those in this situation, no matter the child’s socioeconomic status or culture.    

            When relating to my situation verses those children in Africa, I truly benefited a bit more than they did.  The reality that the epidemic of children being orphans is growing tremendously in Africa.  It is hard regardless to lose a parent, but these children have little to no support from other family unit.  Struggling to support siblings the oldest child will bear in poverty.  “Neither words or statics can adequately capture the human tragedy of children grieving for dying or dead parents, stigmatized by society through association with HIV/AIDS, plunged into economic crisis and insecurity by their parents’ death and struggling without services or support systems in impoverished communities” (UNICEF, 1999, p.3).  As medicine is improving and knowledge is being gained, the reality is still it cost to produce, dispense, and deliver the medication to these sick parents.  The cost continues to grow with their disease.  The reality is that these children need support to keep this epidemic from creating a crisis. 

References:

UNICEF, (1999, December). Children orphaned by AIDS: Front-line responses from eastern and southern Africa.  Retrieved from:          https://www.unicef.org/publications/files/pub_aids_en.pdf.

Van Der Kolk, B., McFarlane, A., & Weisaeth, L. (2007). Traumatic Stress: The effects of            overwhelming experience on mind, body, and society.    

   

Mental Healh in Mothers/Parents

Mental health of parents is vital in the development of themselves, as well as the children in their care.  If children are sponges to their environment, then the aim of every parent should be to prompt healthy development.  I feel most parents truly strive to be a positive influence and role model for their children, but life happens.  In everyone there at some point comes stressors, or situations that contribute to stress.  As a parent myself, I have found it easy to be frustrated and its recoil is sometimes turn toward the kids.  Have you ever had a day where it seemed everything you touch fell apart, or anything you were engaged with just did not go a planned?  Life comes in many of these shades and we as adults have to be able to manage them appropriately.  We have to realize we have eyes and ears constantly soaking up or actions and demeanor.  As any parent the introduction of a baby is very rewarding but very nerve racking as well.  I remember the fear I had being a new mom.  I thought, how am I even going to put his clothes on without hurting him.  So tiny and so precious.  I did not have the first clue.  Besides the stress of the unknown with a new baby, the beginning mentality of the parents are vital.  Does the parents currently struggle with depression or any other mental health concerns, as there is an abundance of mental diseases.  For anyone with mental health problems it can be a struggle to get through daily functions, especially with another outside stressors.  The point is that parents with mental illnesses can contribute to how a child develops holistically.  If there is already an error in a parent’s DNA, we have to question whether this error was inherited by the child.  Will the child have similar traits?  All of these factors will paly apart in how we approach the vitalness of parent influence, attachment.  Parents and families contribute to an abundant amount of influence in a child’s life and throughout their life span.

Referring to a recent article based on the mental health of parents in Australia with children with disabilities, provided by Australian Government in August  22, 2012 (Burke-Taylor, 2012) creates great light into the stressors of life and the impacts it can make on a life of more than the one suffering from the disability.  Not only are the children with disabilities facing challenges in their own world, such as socially, school, learning, and more, but he family members as well.  Mother’s face many challenges related to their child’s disability.  The disability itself comes with health concerns from physical health and mental health of their child, cost of medical insurance, copays, coinsurances, etc, limitations with insurance, and more.  These are stressors the mother or parent has to focus on, which in hand contributes to its own line of stressors.  Then we must consider the changes in one’s life to accommodate the disability such as special routines, specific schedules with medical providers, and more.  Lastly the look into the mental health of the mother.  As we understand mothers are usually the prime nurturing source for the child.  Even though many fathers contribute to caregiving, the mother-child attachment begins in fetus.  With proper support and programs now available parents can receive support as needed to maintain over-all healthy life in order to be an adequate caregiver for a disabled child.  (Burke-Taylor, 2012).  Many mothers, as I have experienced, we put ourselves last compared to our children.  “Therefore, it is up to professionals who are engaged with families who are raising a child with a disability to play a key role advocating for pathways and services that assist mothers with mental health condition” (Bourke-Taylor, 2012, para. 7). 

In other words, life indeed has many stressors we can not see until we step into another’s shoes.  As an advocate for children and families, as well as a member of a community, one must join together and not judge the other, but support and lift one another up.  I know from my experience as a mother, there is no proper handbook.  Life happens, children have individual minds and we must remain open to any situation that may cause distress to our children or ourselves.  I have eaten the famous words “my child won’t do that,” many times.  We must remain positive, supportive, open, and loving in the life of our self and a child.  The mind is a very complex being that we are learning more about every day.  With what is current we know that development is dynamic and needs enrichment to strive for healthy development.  

Reference:

Bourke-Taylor, H. (2012, August 22). The mental health of mothers of school-aged children        with disability. Australian Government: Australian Institute of Family Studies.

My birthing experience

            I would like to share my experience with my latest birth of my son.  I am currently a mother of three boys.  My first was about eleven years ago, then my middle five years ago, and now my latest was only three moths ago.  I will touch on the previous deliveries only because they were significantly different.  Due to my first delivery having to be an emergency cesarean, my odds of repeating the procedure was rather high.  Of course, my age was different with each child.  Which would contribute to my maturity level and the ability for my body to recover.  From the first delivery to the last the support for pregnant women has truly improved and gained great knowledge to support healthy development.  I feel now hospitals and doctors promote nurture and attachment sooner, then in previous years.  I can remember the nervousness was no different with either delivery.  Being a scheduled c-section, we knew the exact day and time.  Understanding the complications and knowing the odds did increase to a level of anxiety for me.   Having this knowledge at every delivery created stress and keep me from getting enough rest the night before entering the hospital.  Just as my previous deliveries family and friends gathered in the waiting room to celebrate his arrival.  With the new policy enforced in the hospitals, my son came immediately to me once he was examined.  Once everything checkout with fine and healthy he was placed in his father’s hands and brought to my chest.  Due to the nature of my delivery I was not able to hold him until I was in recovery.  Due to the amount of scar tissue from my last two caesareans, the time to suture me together was a bit longer than anticipated.  Nevertheless I remember the nurses being eager for him to join me.  Referring to my last two deliveries, it was totally different.  My first son the nurse offered to keep him in the nursey until I got some rest.  There was a delay on the attachment with my oldest son to say.  My middle child was a bit different with a stronger support for lactation and he was brought to the room while in recovery, but no support or guidance on skin-to-skin contact.  Personally, I would have to say my last delivery was the best for healthier development.  Mother-baby attachment is enforced stronger and the support for lactation is promoted.  At this last delivery there is not a nursey for healthy infants.  They must go to the room with the mother.  I truly appreciate the attempts to create an instant attachment to the mother as this is vital for a child to thrive.  Even though the mothers, as I was completely exhausted, the support to help one rest and receive help is ample.  Nurses, volunteers, and interns are willing to watch the infant for and hour to two to allow some time to rest.  As rest is vital for the mother, from every aspect.  

            I chose to research the birthing options available for women in Australia.  From the article I read it appears that the women from Australia have very similar options as women in the United States of America for delivering their babies.  Of course as in American there are similar environmental influences on the mother and fetus, such as socioeconomics, health concerns, genetics, and more.  Nevertheless, the available birthing options are as followed: Public and private hospitals, birth centre, or at home.  Of course insurance is a contributor in which choices some women make.  Per the policies in Australia in insurance and medical procedures there is a degree of differences.  For example, in public hospital the option for c-section is not allowed unless medically needed.  Another example would be the use of Birth Centre, this procedure is covered by Medicare and is free.  Of course private midwifes and doctors charge and can be file with insurance.  It is apparent that the options are similar in American, but due to hospital polices and those of insurance providers, there are limitations on the choice of delivery.  American can also be said to have policies through insurance and the hospitals.  These policies differ from region to region.  (2018, McCulloch).

            Birthing experiences indeed vary from region to region.  Many factors can contribute to how a baby is born.  For example, as I mentioned above my first child ended up being an emergency c-section.  Thankfully in American that is a possibility.  For the regions that have improved health care the focus on development of the baby should always focus at the starting of prenatal care.  Then the next focus of development should be after delivery and the impact of skin-to-skin contact, breastfeeding, and attachment to mother.  These focuses can allow an infant to strive in development.

Reference:

            McCulloch, S., (2018, June 5).  Birth options in Australia: public, private, birth centre or home.  Retrieved November 2, 2018 from https://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth/australia-public-private-birth-centre-home/